Bad Simile #1

He jumps like: A kid in school at a running contest, but halfway through he pulled his quad, and wanted to finish really bad, but he hurt too much. And the other kids were yelling at him to hurry up but he couldn't. Then, afterwards, he found out it wasn't his quad, but a bee stung him and he was allergic to bees and he didn't have his Epi-pen and so he cried, and peed his pants, but felt he should still finish the race to be a hero. He wasn't a hero, because just before the finish line, he fell.

Aliens and Bigfoot

Yesterday I met,
With Grzonack the alien.
He told me to watch out,
Because Bigfoot was behind him

I looked over there,
And Bigfoot looked mad
He came running after us
I knew it would be bad.

I asked him 'What's up?!'
He flailed, looking in fear
'Let's get out of here' he yelled
Just behind him: a hungry loch ness monster.

Double Haiku

If you want to listen to my trumpet

Stand up and blow in it- because that is how you make sound

Dang. People are running and dying now.

I want free Pizza

I like pizza,
So super much
If I would have to choose,
Don't have to kick me in the crotch

My favorite pizza
That I want for free
Is Little Ceasars for sure
They get my endoresement-y

How to diet

Let's face it today,
There are lots of fatties
They eat all the food
From all the skinnies.

From now on let's eat
Enough to get by
Give all the rest
To me....cause .....'mungry.

Why I love you

From Husband:
I love you for your cuteness
I love you for your bodyness
I love you for your funnyness
I love you for your motherness

From Wife:
I love you and your moneyness
I love you with your wrinkled-shirt-ness
I love you with your fart-in-bed-ness
And I love you with your can't-put-the-toilet-seat-down-ness

Vacation Poem

Your vacation is looming.
It starts in one week
The anticipation is killing,
But time going fast seems bleak

It seems like 47 years until the day,
And from work, you've checked out
All you can think about is leaving
Watching Carrot Top, not grout.

It has finally arrived,
You leave car packed high,
You drive for 3425 hours,
The casinos, fill the sky.

You get drunk and gamble,
You lose all your money the first day.
You cry and go back to sleep
And think of tomorrow, what to play.

Once nothing has worked,
And all your money did not last
It seems like 61 seconds have left,
And vacation went by way too fast.

Simile Poem

He flies like a plane
She flies like a bird
It flies like a fly
We fly like a turd.

They eat like race car drivers
I eat like lobsters
We eat like cake eaters
You eat like mobsters

Yo smell like summer
Ustedes smell like canned fruit
Tu smell like lobsters
Nosotros smell like boots.

They stir like Japanese
I stir like my crew
You stir like happiness
We stir like hulahoops.

I run like you,
You run like them
They run like us,
We run like fat guys.

Repeat

I do know Pete

Don't ask to repeat. 

I shall do it only once

Next time just say 'what?'

(because to ask: 'Please sir, would you be so kind to repeat what you said' is stupider than, 'what?')

(Also, explaining jokes and poems is lame. I'll only do it a few more times..... maybe 10. Or more. Or less, but it will definitely be a number of times.)

I have a cell phone

I'm looking around my desk
I have a cell phone there
Sometimes I use it, At times I lose it,
But it always has a glare.

One time I called my mother
She asked me who it was.
I told her who, But she didn't knew
It was a butt dial while on the loo.

Singing songs of joy and digestion

Oooooooh! I sing a song
Laaaaaaaa! I'm singing it proud
Dooooooo! I lure you in with my subtlety
Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Now you are in my trap

'This is the soooong that never eeeends'
Now you slowly die of insanity.

Itchy But . . .

I am itchy but . . .

I kinda am a nut.

I'm stuck here in this rut, 

Otherwise known as a butt. 

Listening to music

I am listening to music,
It has sad lyrics for sure.
I think I'll change the song, though
Because it's melody cannot lure.

Actually, I think I'm happy
I'll change to a song with this
I just want to dance and sing once
Cause I'm in a state of bliss

WHO ATE MY CHEETOS?!
Oh, man, I'm super angry now
Let me listen to some Satan Death Punk
So I can burn those that eat muh cheetoes!

Oh wait, here it is. Fell in my belly button.

Spanksgiving day Poem

It's now time to think Thanksgiving,
The best time of year
We drink a lot of turkey juice
And eat a lot of beer

We gather round the table,
And say for what, we have thanks
I said I liked my new pets,
Which were 5 giant snakes

When my mom found out I had them,
She crazied-out, unforgiving,
I'll never forget that year,
I had my first 3-hour Spanksgiving

Spiders and Webs

I am a spider today
I spin webs, get bugs, and sit.
As a spider today,
That's all I do...

Kinda of a sucky life
Now that I think of it
Just do three things
Wait, four, I die too.

In 5 minutes time

In exactly 5 minutes,
The workday is done.
I'll clock out of here,
And head all the way home

I'll watch a TV show,
I'll perhaps eat some snow,
I'll go to bed soon,
And to it all again.

But then the world exploded.

The worst Halloween Poem ever

Halloween Spalloween
You think you're so scary

Halloween Schmaloween
You're actually quite contrary

Halloween Galloween
With death and gore you're obsessed

Halloween Blaggosmickerweeen
But you also dress up as a princess?

Why fishing sucks so bad.

This poem has been submitted ala Chris Hupp: 


I like fish

It tastes gross
It smells gross
It looks gross

I don't like fish, but fishing is fun

Babies

Babies have diapers,
they have faces,
and stare.


Babies don't know things,
like math, geography,
or Cher

Ding!
My alarm goes off

Ring!
My buddy is calling me

Cha Ching!
He wants money.

Sting!
I put him down for being poor

Bling!
I shine him my gold chain

Cling!
He does to me because he's lonely

Budum Ching!
It's a joke--I don't have gold chains ....... or money .........or friends

Two things at once

Try to focus,
Try all you can
When you do two things at once, my friend
Occasionally you make Spam.

I tried one time to write and sing
To light and swing, but my arm it stings.

Another time I tried to jump
I fell on my rump, right on a stump

Twice I ran, kicked a man,
He shot my mam, and now I'm remorseful about that.

The Worst Poem Ever

Hurry and run

It's a big dog

Go really fast

Wait, it's a pig. 

Hamburgers

I love to eat hamburgers,
Not the kind you think.
I enjoy most with buns,
ketchup, and meat.

'Well duh' You're thinking,
There is no other kinds
That is actually true.
Sorry for the confusion.

Haiku #17

Do you like rap songs?
I did once, but then I found
Presents needed wrap.

Cereal is AWESOME

Coco Crisp, Honeycomb and Cap'n crunch
The best things to happen since lunch

Fiber, Bran and Wheatabix,
Shoot me in the face to bits.

Gimme the stuff with marshmallows
To avoid all the he**noes.

Customer Service

We pretend we like you,
We pretend we care.
When you are mean,
You get nowhere.

When we call in
You demand a wish
No wonder we're mad
You speak no English

Both sides hate life,
Both sides are nervous
No one wins
Trying to give Customer Service

Haiku #16

Ever want a wife?
But you are fat and smelly?
Too bad I got her!

The horse and the Spy

A horse and a spy,
Were actually quite spry.

The horse was a nematode
The spy was a regular toad.

The horse's life was grim
Cause the Spy ate him.

Toads eat nematodes*

*This has not been evaluated by the FDA.

The deeper meaning of life

I love it when you look that way'

I love it when you take away

I love it when you give me hay,

Cause we're horses here to stay.

This isn't a love poem

This isn't a love poem,
This isn't a hate one either
This is a poem of nothing
So sit and take a breather.

I wonder

I wonder why we live, why we die, why we eat.

I wonder who we are, who we marry, what we ate.

I wonder how we live, how we lived and how we poke

I wonder why on this cinnamon roll, I did choke.

*cough,
*die
*stick out tongue
*gurgle
*put x's on eyes
*get embalmed
*have funeral
*jump up because of some nerve misfires
*scare grandma
*she dies
*sticks out tongue
*gurgles
*gets embalmed
*just has a normal funeral
*everyone eats potatoes
*no one chokes
*story ends.

Sharing, Sharing

As kids we learned,
That sharing was fun
We gave and were praised
Especially by nuns.

As we got older we learned
To ask kids to share
When we did we were praised
As good parents for sure.

The truth it it sucks
Sharing leaves us in duress
It's not nice to do
If I now have less

Funny Poetry

I'm sure poems exist
That make one laugh real hard

I'm sure jokes exist,
That make sensitives cry

I'm sure there's a solution
To everyone's problems

If laughter is the best medicine,
Then I overdosed.

One bottle of pop

One bottle of pop
Two bottles of pop
Three bottles of pop
You're getting fat.

Five bottles of pop
Six bottles of pop
Seven bottles of pop
You popped.

WHAT IS THIS?!

I came home today, to find the house all clean
WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!

I left work today, so see I got paid
WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO?!

I went to Wendy's to get a Frosty
WHY DID YOU GIVE ME TWO??!

I went to anger management
I FOUND OUT I YELL FOR STUPID REASONS!

One Dollar

There are a lot of things I can do
For one dollar

There are a lot of things I won't do
For one dollar.

I would write a poem
Sit on a throne
Eat an ice cream cone
Give you a loan
-For one dollar

I won't eat a salad
Write a ballad
Have a fine palate
Raise shallots
-For one dollar

Pizza is delicious.

I ordered a pizza today,
I thought it was quite yummy,
So yummy in fact,
I bought another for my tummy

The second one's gone,
It is quite delish,
I think I'll get a third,
And put in on my dish

The third one is just as great
It is all over my face.
Perhaps four isn't enough,
I'll buy my own pizza place.

I eat every pizza that comes,
I have made no money.
Until a TV guy came in
And thought the sight was quite funny

He gave me millions of dollars
To show how I can eat.
Man v Food guy,
Every time, you, I will beat.

Turns out I put crack in my pizza
And it's really not that good.
I'm addicted to my topping,
Now I'm skinny, like I should.

Grossness

I thought I was shocking,
I thought I was mean.
I thought my poetry was provoking,
Funny, in a way, it seemed,

However I came across something
More vile and gross
Kinda made throw up
In a sick pile of Glucose.

A new movie came out,
With Antonio Banderas
It's not about care bears
Its much, much more crass.


SERIOUSLY FOLKS! Nasty.

The internet

There are lots of things on the internet
Like jokes, and scores, and corn

Don't dabble to much on the internet
You'll find bad stuff, like generic sunglasses.

Gumbo

I got this bowl of goo today
I didn't know what it was.
I tried to replicate the recipe,
To make this bowl of scuzz.

I tried lots of combinations
The recipe I now know
Blend two parts baby giraffe
And 1 part small Disney elephant.

THAT (funny?) guy.

Every knows that guy
Who tries to be funny
He tries to tell jokes all day
While we are playing Rummy

None of us laugh,
It's really uncomfortable
He doesn't seem to get it
He needs to shut up with no trouble.

He seems to get it now
but still goes on trying.
It's getting to the 'sad' stage now
He's a loser, I'm not lying.

I like to think of myself,
The guy that knows when to stop.
Otherwise, it gets uncomfortable,
...... I'll just stop now. I can't think of a good punchline.

Post-it notes

Post-it notes are handy.
I write a lot of stuff on them
To remind me what I need to do, to learn, to implement, to study.

Post-it notes are colorful
So many personalities
They are funny, sticky, happy, and useful.

Post-it notes are tasty.
I put them in my tiramisu.
I saw that word on the Food network, thought I'd use it in a poem.

Watching TV

I watched TV for an hour today,
Not sure what I saw.
I think I laughed a couple of times
Saw a commercial for a bra.

The rest is all a blur for me
It's now a quarter to 10.
Not much brain activity goes on
Watching Two and a Half Men.

Birthdays

I just had a birthday,
I turned one-hundred and eight.
I blew out a 12th of the candles,
A morsel of of cake, I ate.

How many more of these birthdays
Am I going to have already!
I'm one-hundred and EIGHT for sure
I've wanted to go since Eighty!

Making Delicious Food

There are many things I like,
Like flowers, newborns and fudge
Mixing them all up together
Tastes like rancid acne-juice sludge.

Religion poem

Some people believe in God,
Some people believe in Dogs.
Some people want to be saved
Some people to have no grave

Some people think about things
Some people in Heaven want wings
Some people want to cross a bridge
Some people in Hell want a fridge

Most people worship TVs
Most people save Reece's
Most people don't know
That I like to throw snow.

The End.

Haiku #15

Hooray for Swingsets
They are really fun to me
Except I'm 30.

Alphabet #3

A is for 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Or the sound I made when I jumped out of the airplane
B is for 'Bowels,' or what released once I found out my parachute didn't work
C is for 'crap' or what I said and released on the way down.
D is for 'dream' or what I wished I had, but I didn't wake up with the falling feeling
E is for 'earth' or what is coming up quickly.
F is for the 'F' word, or what I was wanting to say but didn't because that wouldn't have been a nice last word to say.
G is for 'God' or whom I might meet soon
H is for 'height of 18,000 feet' or the amount of space I have to think about what to do
I is for 'idea' cause now I have one
J is for 'jacket' or what I'm about to take off
K is for 'kite' or what I might want to make the jacket into to make it so I don't fall so fast
L is for 'little' for the amount of time I have.
M is for 'Monkey' or what I looked like trying to take of the jacket
N is for 'Now I have it! I'll just aim for the mashed potato mountain!!'
O is for 'One mile away' or how far  it was from me at this point
P is for 'pavement, or what I hit instead'
Q is for 'quickly' or how long it took me to not live anymore.
R is for 'really no point in continuing, you know the end of the story. It didn't work. The mashed potato mountain was actually a low-lying cloud.'

What's wrong with people?!

I walk into a room,
And everybody screams
I then go to the store,
People shun me, it seems

I called my neighbor,
to see what's the matter.
She quickly jumped from the window
And on the ground, she did splatter

Depressed, I went back home
And took a look in the mirror.
I had a huge zit on my face,
I then died, from the terror.

April's Fool

I walked out side my house today,
And was hit by a cream pie
I went to work with a nice suit,
It got ruined with tie-dye.

I ate lunch with four buddies
2 of them changed religion
That's not so bad itself,
But they threw me in a dungeon.

Just before I clock out,
My manager says to me
You're getting kinda fat for this,
Clean out your desk and leave

On my way home today
I went to binge on fast food
I ordered my food and paid,
And found out my wife's a dude.

I wasn't feeling very good
About this day at all
stupid April, stupid fools,
revenge will come - in the fall.

Mtire

I didn't sleep well last night,
Mtire

Spongbob's not on,
Mbore.

McDonalds is closed,
Mungry

I face was burned as a kid,
Mugly.

I was robbed on the street,
Mpor.

So it doesn't matter if McDonalds is closed because I was robbed and don't have money.
Mwakhom.

Remember When

Remember when it happened this way
When it should have happened THIS way?
Well, it happened this way
When I told you it should have happened THIS way.

Now that it has happened this way,
So and so is expecting it to happen THIS way.
Happening this way isn't what he was expecting.
Next time, make sure it happens THIS way.

The Truth Doesn't Listen

I learned my lesson, long ago.
Actually, only in the last 10 minutes.

My lesson was to never diet,
Actually it was to diet sometimes.

Then I learned how awesome I am
Except when I'm in the company of terrorists.

I told everyone that I didn't eat the yogurt
When I merely absorbed it with diffusion

I told everyone that I was immovable,
But just this morning I walked to the shower

I told everyone that I was clear-minded
When actually my brain is full of grey matter.

I also assumed people knew my name
But I wasn't wearing my name-tag at the seminar.

It turns out that you should tell the truth
Except when the truth won't listen.

Being sick

I've been sick for a while.
I'm not in denial
My face is on fire
Don't call me a liar

I have real bad gas
I was told by my lass
My ears might explode
My skin is like a toad.

My eye is all puffy
My nose is all stuffy
My joints ache like heck
My cars in a wreck

That last part doesn't matter
That my car is now splattered
Cause I'm talking 'bout how I'm sick
Not my car's plight, that was a trick.

Haiku #14

You know what I like?
Ice cream with spinach and nails
On second thought-------gross.

How To Fix A Rebel

I admit it I like stuff
I like to play rough
Fighting isn't enough
I also grow some scruff

My mom wants me to change
But I'll be at the firing range
I know I look strange
Sorry my name is 'Grange'

I should not be so sick
Cause people say I'm a prick
Maybe listen to LDS music
I learn some magic trick

I'm sure I'll do something
To make my mom grin
Go to a class called 'spin'?
Nah, forget it.

Motivation

I really want to win this race
I trained for 5 minutes a day
I'm sure I can run real fast
I hope to win first place

The trick I used to train real hard
Was not to eat a log,
But to have something chase me fast
A rabid, on-fire, dog.

Writing on stuff

I have a dry erase marker
It smells really strong
I don't know how to write with it
And I'm totally erasing wrong

I spit on it and squirted it
To blot my mistake out.
I didn't know it was dry erase
Now my life is in doubt.

My Philosophies #1

If you're ever asked to eat something
-Make sure it's not poison
 -Unless you already did and are okay with it

If you're ever told to jump off a cliff
 -Make sure you're not by one
  -Unless the person that told you to do so deserves a shove

If you're ever asked to apologize

 -Make sure it was something bad

  -Unless you get paid for taking the rap for someone. And it's enough to get a TV from it. 

If you ever are asked to babysit
 -Make sure they pay you a fair share
  -Unless you can get more from the sale of the baby

Forgiveness

I'm sorry I threw the refrigerator out,
And threw some dog guts at the spout.

Sorry I arranged a marriage for Spock
Changed a tire, but took out the shocks.

Sorry I blamed global warming on your Dad,
Cut down a tree with a fish, that was real bad.

Sorry I frisbee-d your fine china in France
I wanted to win a bet, I took a bad chance

I sniffed some markers, till I got high
Went to church naked, and slapped someone's thigh.

I also broke wind, in my job interview
He coughed and choked, on his own spew.

I try really hard, this weekend wasn't bliss
Even though I'll do it again, I need your forgiveness.

The World and Outer Space

Many people think,
That they are not an astronaut
That they cannot go to space
And from above see the human race

Hello, the Earth is in Space already,
Just go outside and look up
It's a giant window out the side
So hold on tight, and enjoy the ride.

How to Waste Money

Wasting money is not hard
So put down your guard
Making your money charred
Is buying with a credit card.

How to Waste Time

You can waste time
You don't have to rhyme
It doesn't cost a dime
Just go and ring a chime
Do it all the time
Until you're arrested for a crime

Lost in the forest

I am lost amongst the trees
I can't see a thing.
The sun is not shining
My ears have a ring

I don't know where I am
I'll walk till I do
I feel like I'm going in circles
I yell for my friend Stu.

It's getting old now,
I really need a map.
I find one on my rear,
It says: "You are Here" ------->

Raisin Bran

I had some Raisin Bran today
I loved it and ate it off a tray

I ate 2 boxes in one sitting
I know my story is so gripping

When I came home, I had a fright
I had some issues the whole night

Help me with that song

All day I've been thinking, singing to myself.
Over and over again, the tune in my brain's shelf

I can't think of the title, it's on the tip of my tongue
It goes tweedle do diddle, whistle fo fum

Do dee dee doo do, blah wee tra la la
Doo dee de doo do, hum hum ho froola.

Seriously it's driving me nuts, I can't remember how,
The song starts with words, I can remember them now

In the middle there's some words, I think one of them's 'chair'
Or was it 'hair' or 'glare', or maybe they say 'ham-stare'

Probably not, though, cause that's not a word
It's close to 'hamster', but I doubt that's what's heard

I guess I'll keep singing, I'm taken quite aback
I hate when songs get stuck, like an itch in the middle of the back.

Writing Poetry With My Head #1

Emotion: Bored. Medium: Forehead.

trfuybhjklomijluyhijnbhj m vcbb gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfvuynhjmkikikikikikikikikinhybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybmi,k.l,klmj nbhj dcfxvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvcfgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggguyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhgbv fjkmui,,klmg cfvdfdcv                                                                                          gbgbgbgbgbgbgbgbcbbbbbbbb nhjmgfvcnhjmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,ktyhg66666666666667ujinnm

Birthdays

I wish I was like everyone else
Having regular birthdays for all to cheer
It turns out I'm only seven and a half
Cause I was born on the leap year.

Haiku #13

Snuffleupagus
Irresponsibility
Cannibalism

Peanut Butter

I love peanut butter more than life.
I wanted to marry it for my wife
Skippy, Jif, or Peter Pan,
I eat it with a marzipan.

I ate it one time, without any guilt
I ate it one time, while standing on stilts.
One time I used it, for gasoline
It didn't work, I tried to go green.

It ruined my car, it broke it real good
It'll be really expensive, to fix under the hood.
Turns out I hate the stuff, I won't care anymore
Peanut butter sucks. I get Nutella at the store.

Haiku #12

I lack a journal
Dunno why I'd have one, though
No one reads them, duh

Up really late

It's late at night
I am still awake
I don't want to sleep yet
I just got a break.

If I drink a lot of water
I'll have to pee real bad
This is nature's alarm clock
I won't want to get out of bed

Seriously still awake
Staying up will be a blast.
I don't want this time to fly
It's the friggin weekend, at last.

Why I like foil

Tin foil is great
It keeps my candy dry
It keeps my food fresh
It keeps my teeth tingly.

Tin foil is great
It keeps aliens away
It keeps bigfoot blind
It keeps Nessie at bay

Tin foil is best
For things you don't know
Like wearing for a shirt
Or scuba gear.

I Lost My Afrin

Afrin is great
It works really well
Within a few minutes
I finally can smell

My nose right now is stuffed
I think I might die
That would be bad, though
Cause my wife will cry.

Someone find my Afrin
I have a cold, 3 days old
Someone find my Afrin
Because I don't have $4.15 to go to the store and get another pack.

A House of Cards

I made a house of cards last month
The purpose was to dwell
I don't know what people's problem is
Their fears I cannot quell.

They say it will fall down and kill me
I don't think they have any clue.
It won't fall down and kill me none
Cause duh-- I used glue.

Haiku # 11

I believe in stuff
Like Bigfoot and Aliens
But not the fake kind.

Singing songs

It's nice to sing songs
Songs bring happiness
Happiness bring smiles
Smiles bring tears
Tears bring tissues
Tissues bring trash
Trash brings incinerators
Incinerators bring smog
Smog brings cancer

Songs cause cancer.

Musings on a Piano

I have a piano,
I play it as a treat.
I have played one song since I was eight,
The song, is never complete.

I eat while I'm playing
I sleep tapping keys
The seat is a toilet
My schooling is on 'freeze'

I've played the same song
Every second of my life
I don't think I'll ever end
Even if I don't get a wife

When I started playing
I had lots of friends.
Until I started to play on the piano:
"This is the song that never ends"

Bad metaphor #1

She dances like --- a child desperate to relieve itself after playing hide and seek for an hour, but started having to go right as she hid behind the washing machine, but wanted to win so she didn't move, but she didn't win because she was the second-to-last person to be found, so it  wouldn't have mattered that she just quit that round.

Alphabet #3

A is for Arithmetic,
B is for Body Building
C is for Crafts and
D is for Dominoes.
E is for Exercise
F is for Fluid Dynamics
G is for Geology
H is for Hellenic history.
I is for igloo construction
J is for Juxtapositioning.
K is for kick boxing
L is for lumbar supporting
M is for metric system
N is for Napping during a living room fight
O is for opening a can of soda in space
P is for peering through a muddy telescope
Q is for questioning the authority of an astrophysicist that also is good at water polo.
R is for resisting arrest for unauthorized velcro wearing when the cops wear the opposite velcro attachment on their hands
S is for steering away from elephants in a snowstorm.
T is for trusting satanic cults
U is for unveiling the secrets of the universe
V is for vacationing on the moon and also Albania in the same week
W is for waiting for the cows to come home on the back of flying pigs
X is for x-raying a broken coccyx without laughing
Y is for yodeling naked in a loincloth and eating Saltines
Z is for zeroing in on what this list is all about......

Yes, my friends, it is a list of things I personally find hard to do.

Holy moly, rolly polly

HOLY MOLY!
Look at the rolly polly!
Golly wolly,
It just ate the trolly!

Runny away-y
Faster than me-ee
I'm the next meal e see,
G'bye muh world-y!

I cried myself to sleep

I cried myself to sleep tonight
Just to see if I could.
About half the way through,
I figured out where I stood.

A theatrical thespian,
I must say I'm awesome
I can cry with the best of them
T'day I audition to be an opossum

Don't cry for me,
I can do it myself.
Thespian and actor,
I will always get the part . .- elf.