Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Two Friends

Two friends came out to play o'er there
O'er there is a city park. 
It has swings and slides and boyish things
Only thing lacking, is a shark. 

The two boys schemed, and cajoled,
They swore and told no one
One time they found a dead squirrel
And poked it, just for fun.

The years flew by, they still played on,
Then one day the news came stark
"My mom said we're moving, Monday"
"Goodbye. Wait, NOW, They're installing a SHARK?"

Saturday, October 27, 2012


Halloween I'm going as a queen
Maybe I'll dance and sing
Maybe I'll trick, maybe I'll treat
Maybe I'll plan my route
And get every street.
I'll go downstairs
And get all my charts
Get me some juice
To quench my thirst.
What time is it?
Oops. It's November 1st.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Unconventional Basketball

When I watch TV
I usually eat a peach
Only when they're in season though,
Because other times they're not in reach

Whenever I finish eating them
I'm always in a pickle.
There's the issue of the peach pit
Stupid things are so fickle.

Instead of walking to the kitchen,
To throw in the garbage like a bother,
I play some living room basket ball
With the cup, apparently full of water.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Okay fine. We get it

I really don't like your peas and carrots
I really don't like your rice and beans
When it comes to eating, I'm still a noob
Forget these solids, I still want boob. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

If a picture could talk

If a picture could talk,
Would it cry?
Would it sing?

If a picture could talk,
How long would it go?
Would it matter?

If a picture could talk
Is 1000 words enough?
I asked one once.

It didn't reply,
So, I'm assuming no.
Zero words is enough.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Friday, September 7, 2012

Summer is over

We burned a hole
In all our faces
In all our clothes
In all our skins

We burned a hole
In all our wallets
In all our tv's
And all our lunches

Fall is coming
It's about stinking time
So we can stop burning stuff
Except for leaves.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Two Hearts

Also Published on facebook's Fan Page!

If I was a heart, 
My color would be blue.
My partner's would be red,
We'd walk till we were dead.

I'd be sad,
She'd be glad,
We'd run we'd skip,
We'd trot, we'd trip.

She'd laugh,
I'd sigh,
I'd fish,
She'd cry.

I'd wonder,
She'd whisper,
I'd be all like: "What?!"
She'd be like: "I don't like fish, doy!"

Serbian sage

From The Facebook Fan Page!

Submitted by Joe Konzak

There once was a Serbian sage
Who home-brewed the Electric Age
But Edison trolled him
And freaking outsold him
So he locked himself up in a cage

Why are you banging on my door?

From Facebooks Fan Page!

Why are you banging on my door?
I can't seem to figure out,
Who on earth is banging on the door,
They seem to want to come in here,
And are yelling with a roar

They seem to be mad at something,
And really want to come in,
I'm not sure they like me much,
They say something about, punching my "chin"

Maybe I'll open the door,
To see what their problem is,
Perhaps I'll ask my chat room friends,
To get their ideas on this.

After a while or so, the man seems to stop,
I decide to try the door, I start to perspire,
Turns out he wanted to shower,
Since he apparently was on fire.

Roses are Red #1

From Facebook's Bad Poetry Page!

Roses are red, 
Violets are blue
The chicken crossed the road
Because that's where it's sandwich was.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Why are you banging on my door?

I can't seem to figure out,
Who on earth is banging on the door,
They seem to want to come in here,
And are yelling with a roar

They seem to be mad at something,
And really want to come in,
I'm not sure they like me much,
They say something about, punching my "chin"

Maybe I'll open the door, 
To see what their problem is,
Perhaps I'll ask my chat room friends,
To get their ideas on this.

After a while or so, the man seems to stop,
I decide to try the door, I start to perspire,
Turns out he wanted to shower, 
Since he apparently was on fire. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Air Guitar

I sit next to a guy
Who plays the air guitar
I think he's pretty good,
He even has a gig at the bar.

I could take him, though
In a battle of the instruments
I play air Xylophone
At school I have a monument

I did play air therimin once
But people though I was strange
I could tell they were jealous, though
Because of my awesome hand range.

He's totally rocking out now
I think he'll break his neck
It's looking like he now plays,
Air 'noose'  for his paycheck.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Lazy Sunday

I woke up this morning,
With not a lot to do,
I suppose I could get up,
And make some breakfast stew.

I guess I'll just wait
Until I want to eat
But last night I ate
A whole buffet for my treat

I guess I'll do nothing
and stay here in my bed,
Might as well wake up later
Like tomorrow since it's 10(pm)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Wind Poem

The wind blows,
As all things do,
If they make us mad
Or sad, or blue.

Then they suck
As most things do
When they make us mad,
Or sad, or vacuumed.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Clomb Clomb, Ping Ping

I love to play ping bong,
because of the sound it makes.
It makes it so easy,
To guess the name of the game.

If all sports were named,
But the sounds the game made
Then football would be called:
"Hike ungh, frung, ungh $!#@!$"

If bowling was named,
After the sound that it made
It would be called:
"Brong, fwoo fwooo fwoo FWOO CRUNG UNG UNG UNG"

My favorite, though,
Is the name of a sport,
Of midget tossing farness:
"Ruuh! ShwshshshshshsSHSHSSH Clomb clomb... squeak"


I knew a guy named Art.
He was good with his medium in art.
When he told me what he did, I did fart,
Because he painted with his own butt fart.

I'm all like, what? that is gross
But his income he did gross
Millions of dollars in cash
In his mattress he did cache.

Then one day he drew,
A picture of a guy named Drew
It was so good that he won
The award for being number one.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Pests? my asps.

Swat the wasps,
Kill the asps,
Those two tasks,
Will rid the pests.

Water bottles

Water bottle, on my desk,
You don't have a lid, I guess?
What did you do with it, I may ask?
You dropped it in the garbage can, I'll get it for you. No problem.

Nasal Spray

Nasal spray is on my desk
Nasal spray is good at chess
Nasal spray get rid of boogers
When I use it, I feel gooder.

Monday, May 14, 2012

May Month

May is the day I may go out and play.
I may play, you say, so I'll not stay.

I play in May, with Trey and Mey,
I prey we stay to lay with the Fray?

M'kay you say, in may, today.
Perhaps one day, we'll play, in June.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Haiku #18

Hi, Haiku 18!
Glad you could make it today.
You're worse than 15.

Cap'n Crunch

I swear if I hear you chew your food,
I'll be sad and do some stuff.

I knew a kid who chewed his food,
Little did he know, he was in the hood.

One guy didn't like it, not for lunch
He busted a cap'n the crunch.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Happy Stool Day

Congratulations, you've made it to today.
It's stool day, of course, not to be confused with 'poo day'.

You see, stool day is about chair-like things
And poo day is about poo type things.

So sit in your stool, today
And don't poo in your chair, okay?

Monday, April 9, 2012

The plastic bottle to the rescue

Too many people,
complain about trash
'It's all up in my business'
'It smells real bad, that stash!'

However, you don't know.
That it saves lives as well
Like the bottle that saved
A whole pod of whales.

A shark was super hungry,
And came upon the group.
Instead of eating the whales,
He choked on a bottle, in the soup.

So to all you tree huggers
You have to pick and choose.
Shall you save the whales?
Or let the shark make them lose?

Two Canaries

Two canaries, sat out to fly.
One with the wind, the other too high.

The one with the wind, traveled really far
Across the landscape, to say 'Hi' to Jafar.

The other one flew, And rose really high.
He traveled no distance and fell to die

'Badum ching' is the sound, he made when he hit
He hit a drum set, just like a joke from a bit.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Mostly Made up words--- but it's about a dog.

Do grables woggs through briglest?

Forseal, prisp does flay.

Hear twingle, grasp the ronglot,

And ostrich helps the tray.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Hoarding is gross

Get rid of your cats,
Get rid of your beans
Get rid of your clothes
Get rid of your machines

You have too much stuff
None of us can breathe
You're buried in your crap
We cannot find Steve

He's been gone for weeks
I think he's dead now
It's starting to stink
Oh wait, it's been like that.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

The wound, it does shape me
Not the knife, nor the shank

The blood, it does flow
Not the cabbage, nor the neck

I fly, though grounded
I swim, though drowning

Can't kite through the surface
Of mashed potatoes.

Do you know what?

Do you know what?
Because I do
He was a good, great friend
And always ate his shoe

For thirty years,
And twenty days more
He gave me his boxcar
That he got at the store.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I know the muffin man

I know the muffin man,
His name is Nigel
He gives me muffins today
Because that is his goal.

One day I ate a piece
It tasted like it smelled
Like a giant blueberry delight
So good that I yelled.

He told me to stop it,
Cause I was being loud.
I said he should just shut up
So I was beaten by a crowd.

I don't go back anymore
So I tried to make my own
I wasn't successful at it
The proportion I had blown. ....... it.....out of.
Pin It

What's the big deal?!

So I took an extra cookie,
What's the big deal?
I then went to the store and took a small grape,
What's the big deal?
I then took a man's credit card,
What's the big deal?
I used it to by a car,
What's the big deal?
I tied up a dude, to take his yacht,
What's the big deal?
I then burned down a Walmart to get some free TV's
What's the big deal?
I then ran naked all over the state shooting a bunch of moose,
What's the big deal?
I was read my Miranda rights,
Is this a big deal?
I then was sentence to 3 decades in jail,
Yeah, that's a big deal.
I told the judge I wanted,
To make him a deal
I said I'd give him magic beans for my freedom
He said okay.

Friday, February 17, 2012

My Dream Last Night #1

In the middle of the night last night,
I was wrestling a bear.
I then was in a tree,
That with his claws did tear.

I ran down a tube,
Full of fluorescent lights
Then I was in Switzerland
My wife was wearing tights.

Walking down a sideways wall
The bear came back again
I couldn't figure out his name,
So I just called him 'Lame'

The next Tuesday,
it was summer
I ate a dollhouse
And became a drummer

I wasn't very good at it
And the bear ripped my face
I tackled him and fought him well
And choked him with some lace

He died, but came back to life
It freaked me out real bad
So I challenge him to a duel
With lightsabers which made him sad

Doesn't really matter, though
Cause then I was a hero
I showed everyone my badge
To convince them I'm not a zero

They totally bought it
And that made me glad
Cause actually I was a fraud
Don't tell them, they'll be mad

Coming down from the hill
My pants were off in class
My teeth fell out which sucked real bad
I replaced them with some brass

Dreams are weird they screw you up
The whole day it's a bother
At least when I choked the bear
It wasn't my pillow..... Just my brother

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Don't Golf Today

I got a new set of clubs,
I'm so excited to use them.
They're not the kind you hit stuff with
Those are for the cavemen.

They are totally golf ones,
And are nice and shiny and new.
I'm going to the golf course
To see if my drive is true

I know it's midnight,
But I can really see.
But each time I smack the club
I couldn't ever hit the green

In fact, I couldn't hit the fairway
The sandtrap, or the trees.
Wth is happening here?
I thought I would have some glee!

I cannot golf today,
Maybe in 3 months I'll try
Turns out it's hard to golf
With snow 3 feet high

Monday, February 13, 2012

Similie #3

I slept like a baby last night... that was hungry, on a bed of nails, at a rock concert, in a winter storm, outside, with gang members having a turf war across the street, and with a full diaper.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

To play drums or peel oranges?

I woke up this morning, wondering how to win
Shall I play the drums, and get good at them, Jim?

"No you should not. That's a stupid thing to do,
You suck at rhythm, and you'll turn us all blue."

'Okay, I said to him, while shutting the door hinge,
I'll go right ahead, and peel this ripe orange'

See that? I rhymed with orange!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Water bottles and cuss words

I fill my water bottle up
Only after walking for miles
Once I get to my drinking fountain,
I say cuss words because it's out.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I was told my computer,
Had an STD
I took it to the nerdy patrol
To see what it could be.

He told me my computer
was the fastest on the planet.
It had a lot of gigabites
And gave a lot of mana

I couldn't believe my heart,
When I learned what it meant.
STD wasn't what I'd thought,
It was 'Super Terrific Deathcomputer'

And that means it's good.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Powerful Poisonous Pentunias

Powerful poisonous petunias
Pose possible predicaments.
People, probably, possibly
Postulate perplexities.

Perhaps Polish people
Pinch pickle positions?
Perchance, populate possibilities!
Pepper-paste prevails!

Friday, January 27, 2012

Simile #2

The bird flies like: A budget airline that skipped it's aircraft maintenance records to save money and a volcano erupted just now in the flight path and they didn't have enough time to move around the plume and the engines had a lot of dust and rocks and stuff in it, oh, and it exploded too, but there was a guy inside that had a parachute company but he didn't have any of his inventory on him.

Bad timing

I was late for a date, and ran with all my might.
I hit the door when it closed, now I bleed from my thigh.

Driving my car, the yellow light came
Just a little late, and got a ticket, so lame.

Two days before marriage, a full-body rash
Turns out she's not into that, just fair skin and M.A.S.H

Watching TV on lottery day, with Thanksgiving dinner.
Too bad it's June, and I'm not the big winner.

Monday, January 23, 2012


Fourteen snowmen set out on a trip.
Two melted yesterday,
And one, on a banana, did slip

Eleven were left, out by a train
Four contracted syphilis
And one was crushed by a crane.

Six were left, out by the sun
But it was still cold,
And all graduated college, got jobs, and retired comfortably.


Monday, January 16, 2012

Sounds profound, but it's not.

Fighting with the troll, the sandwich begs to fly. 
Rasping with raspberries, peanut butter it does dry.

Never taunt the beggar, walk away from the sand
Jumping with the mad lib, carry on, with the band.

Don't ask to free the merry, clomp clowns for their life
Help the child with boogers free, have two buckets of strife.

From West comes the carpet bag. South the fur trade's son
All I ask to be for true fox, go now, my frock with guns.

Actually, they're not. I wanted attentions from mammoths.

My phone does ring, and no one's there, In my nose, I have stray hairs.
For once I want two cents from you, two cents, from you and chairs.

The heart and the harp

Whistle, and hear the wind.
Run, and hear the ground.
Stop and you can hear the heart,
Jump, and you can hear the bones.

To all who come, to ask to use
The tree, the glee, the water down.
The harp it sings, like hobos new
Like heart, like harp, and rabid ducks.


Lettuce gather round the table
Beet the leprechauns who
Make the grape escape.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Poetry in Code Challenge: #1

fpmy dppy yjr ,rddrmhrt.
Im;rdd jr od dyi[of?
S;dp fpmy yovl ,r pgg.
Vsidr Yjsyd Mpy Movr.