If a walrus was in charge

If a walrus was in charge,
We'd have no bananas
If a walrus was in charge,
We'd never wear pajamas

If a walrus was in charge
We'd only live in cold
If a walrus was in charge
We'd be fat, I was told

If a walrus was in charge,
We'd never play football
If a walrus was in charge,
We'd never fit in a hall.

If a walrus was in charge,
Forests we would shun,
If a walrus was in charge,
Our sentences would be "UNH UNH UNH!"

Asposta

I wish I knew what I was asposta do.
Am I asposta lap it up, am I asposta chew?

Am I asposta walk it or run it?
Asposta triple jump it or galumph it?

Am I asposta jump real high,
asposta duck down low, or down to lie?

I think I'm asposta write it well
Asposta spell it right, so at me, you won't yell

Made up word poem #2

Har spoo lo fritches walg.
Gristoo bal crabgeous stee
Gralch, to listee whigh
Forg bloo, rychistous, ree.

How to be rich

There really is no secret,
To be rich, or to be wise
It all come from hard work
And to have many friends that despise

The easiest way by far,
No reason to look in a ditch
Just have a parental unit
That gives you the first name of Rich.

My Dear Friend

I had a dear friend,

They always played
They always strayed
They were always loyal
Their were fun to boil
They were fun to eat
Nothing's better then venison meat

I miss my deer friend.

Time Sensitive

One hour to go:
The blankets I have thrown

45 minutes until:
The cold shower give me a chill

Half an hour has passed:
My car is out of gas

15 minutes till show time:
I'm still left crying

5 minutes till late
My car I'm starting to hate

1 minute till I'm to be there
I go back and sit on my chair.

Looks like today,
I'll go without my back-hair shave.

How to win at stuff

If you always lose at games,
If you always lose the dames,
If you never win the fame
or if you never picture the frame.

You'll always come in last,
Because you're not as fast.
You'll always want to sass
And just sit on the wet grass

I have a secret to win
It's not to have extra fins
It's almost having nice rims,
But its just to practice more.

The perfect food

If I could lose a million pounds
I would do it with tacos,
with cookies or Mounds.

If I could grow another 6 feet
I would eat only fish-sticks,
cereal, and meat.

I tried it one time and failed miserably.
I got even fatter,
and got stuck in a tree.

Then I read about a man, who was just as me
Who only ate a potato,
20 times, or 23.

He lost it all, a million pounds in a week,
Now Ireland is pissed,
'not again you freak.'

My favorite hero

There is one that stands out,
Both smart and devout.
He sees what no one sees
He knows all the Jeopardies.

He pronounces with flair,
I just want to breathe his air.
He's just as old as time
And young as shower grime

He has perfect mustached hair
And is always in my prayer
That before I go to heck,
I must meet, Alex Trebek.

Frozen Yogurt

If you've ever been out to sea,
wanting freedom, or wanting a boat,
The ocean is where you find it

If you've even been in the sky,
Wanting adventure, wanting a plane,
The atmosphere is where you find it.

If you've ever been in love
Wanting acceptance, wanting peace
Then a spouse is where you find it.

If you've ever been to Fat camp,
Wanting skinny, wanting control,
Then you'll need to exercise.

Lights

I like lights that go
on, off, on, off, on, off.

I saw a light go
on, off, on, off, on, off

I had a seizure.
oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.

Do you know what?

Do you know what?
Is it nice? is it true?

Do you know what?
is it happy? is it blue?

Do you know what?
Does it know, me and you?

I know what.
He's a good friend. I sat next to him in math class.

Happiness

Do you ever wonder sometimes
About life, about things?

Some are prophetic,
Some great, some pathetic . . .

Do you ever wonder sometimes
About what is good? what is sane?

I wondered one time
Then I woke up, fat and lame.

Why El Oso? Why?

El Oso, El Oso,
Why dost thou persecutest me so.
I write, I try, but everything is too low

I wish some day, to write something
To make you smile, or to make you sing

Turns out sometimes, nothing can be done.
So you try it. Gol. I sit here and just suck at poems (on purpose) Geez. What on earth do you want from me?

Haiku #7

Why do I like cheese?
It makes me gain lots of weight
Because I can't poo.

Word wheel #1

Worm Farm Animal Planet Earth Day Light Speed Test Drive By George Washington Post Card Shark Tank Tops Down Town Car Payment Information Technology Sector Nine Thirty Rock Band Together Forever Young Blood Sports Injury Law School Library Book

The old man and the beard

I knew an old man, Nice as could be
Never got mad and very easy to please

One day I tried, tried to clean my teeth
The old man had an idea, to help me in my feat

He said take my beard, gnaw with all your might
Use my beard for floss, for teeth, clean and bright.

What NOT to do

Make sure you don't lie,
or eat chicken that is fried.
Make sure to look both ways
And never offend the gays
Make sure to use a laser
And be judicious with your taser
Never tip too low
And never partake of blow

Forget all your worries
And don't throw away your Furby's
Stay away from poison
And please stay out of prison
The best advice, now hear
Ignore it and despair
If you touch the remote again,
I will seriously lose it. I'm not even joking. I'm sick of watching soap operas. Change it back to Spongebob, or I'll eat all of your cereal. I'm so not even joking.

Awkward Ninjas

I knew a couple of women
That really knew how to kill
Always they would win with ease
Just like running a drill.

Most people just let them win
Which is why they won with ease
You really did feel sorry for them
Cause they were Siamese.

Haiku #6

Why do you smell good?
Is it because you shower?
Oh, that's someone else.

The made up word poem#1

Fliggle to brig tiggle
Flout groud mcdout
Wrat sprig to piggle
Robnut trosh stopout

Driphow frot ro still?
Nobblet grats quacrow?
Lobbrud vel extrail
Gandool . . . raz buquo.

Waffles and Cheese

Many people wonder, why I like waffles and cheese,
It's not so hard to fathom, it's far better than disease

I eat them four times a week, sometime even more
Looks like i'm outta waffles, better go get some more.

Alphabet #2

A is for always which is where time is at
B is for beyond or what doesn't exist past infinity
C is for clear wich is absence of anything
D is for divided which is a line between what is.
E is for everything which is impossible to fathom
F is for forever which is outside time's dimension
G is for Galaxy, something rather small within significance
H is for heliocentric which is far from accurate 'universally'
I is for 'is this poem gonna end soon?
Y is for 'yes, it is'
Z is for zoinks. I dunno why.

November

Today is November,
Time to jump and cheer
This month we eat dinners
With applesauce and beer
Never whine about November,
Because if you do
Trolls will came and take you
And put you in their brew.

Today is November
Time to skip and hoot
Soon we'll be eating meat
And cleaning chimneys of soot
November is the last month
With money in our wallet
December will so be here
To empty all our pockets

Forget you December
You make all us poor
Who cares about the kids
Presents come from lore
Buy your own friggin gifts
And give them all to me
I've given you all too much
Nothing is ever free

(Except you wife, I'll give you something. )