Raisin Bran

I had some Raisin Bran today
I loved it and ate it off a tray

I ate 2 boxes in one sitting
I know my story is so gripping

When I came home, I had a fright
I had some issues the whole night

Help me with that song

All day I've been thinking, singing to myself.
Over and over again, the tune in my brain's shelf

I can't think of the title, it's on the tip of my tongue
It goes tweedle do diddle, whistle fo fum

Do dee dee doo do, blah wee tra la la
Doo dee de doo do, hum hum ho froola.

Seriously it's driving me nuts, I can't remember how,
The song starts with words, I can remember them now

In the middle there's some words, I think one of them's 'chair'
Or was it 'hair' or 'glare', or maybe they say 'ham-stare'

Probably not, though, cause that's not a word
It's close to 'hamster', but I doubt that's what's heard

I guess I'll keep singing, I'm taken quite aback
I hate when songs get stuck, like an itch in the middle of the back.

Writing Poetry With My Head #1

Emotion: Bored. Medium: Forehead.

trfuybhjklomijluyhijnbhj m vcbb gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfv gbfvuynhjmkikikikikikikikikinhybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybybmi,k.l,klmj nbhj dcfxvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvcfgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggguyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhuyhgbv fjkmui,,klmg cfvdfdcv                                                                                          gbgbgbgbgbgbgbgbcbbbbbbbb nhjmgfvcnhjmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,ktyhg66666666666667ujinnm

Birthdays

I wish I was like everyone else
Having regular birthdays for all to cheer
It turns out I'm only seven and a half
Cause I was born on the leap year.

Haiku #13

Snuffleupagus
Irresponsibility
Cannibalism

Peanut Butter

I love peanut butter more than life.
I wanted to marry it for my wife
Skippy, Jif, or Peter Pan,
I eat it with a marzipan.

I ate it one time, without any guilt
I ate it one time, while standing on stilts.
One time I used it, for gasoline
It didn't work, I tried to go green.

It ruined my car, it broke it real good
It'll be really expensive, to fix under the hood.
Turns out I hate the stuff, I won't care anymore
Peanut butter sucks. I get Nutella at the store.

Haiku #12

I lack a journal
Dunno why I'd have one, though
No one reads them, duh

Up really late

It's late at night
I am still awake
I don't want to sleep yet
I just got a break.

If I drink a lot of water
I'll have to pee real bad
This is nature's alarm clock
I won't want to get out of bed

Seriously still awake
Staying up will be a blast.
I don't want this time to fly
It's the friggin weekend, at last.

Why I like foil

Tin foil is great
It keeps my candy dry
It keeps my food fresh
It keeps my teeth tingly.

Tin foil is great
It keeps aliens away
It keeps bigfoot blind
It keeps Nessie at bay

Tin foil is best
For things you don't know
Like wearing for a shirt
Or scuba gear.

I Lost My Afrin

Afrin is great
It works really well
Within a few minutes
I finally can smell

My nose right now is stuffed
I think I might die
That would be bad, though
Cause my wife will cry.

Someone find my Afrin
I have a cold, 3 days old
Someone find my Afrin
Because I don't have $4.15 to go to the store and get another pack.

A House of Cards

I made a house of cards last month
The purpose was to dwell
I don't know what people's problem is
Their fears I cannot quell.

They say it will fall down and kill me
I don't think they have any clue.
It won't fall down and kill me none
Cause duh-- I used glue.

Haiku # 11

I believe in stuff
Like Bigfoot and Aliens
But not the fake kind.

Singing songs

It's nice to sing songs
Songs bring happiness
Happiness bring smiles
Smiles bring tears
Tears bring tissues
Tissues bring trash
Trash brings incinerators
Incinerators bring smog
Smog brings cancer

Songs cause cancer.

Musings on a Piano

I have a piano,
I play it as a treat.
I have played one song since I was eight,
The song, is never complete.

I eat while I'm playing
I sleep tapping keys
The seat is a toilet
My schooling is on 'freeze'

I've played the same song
Every second of my life
I don't think I'll ever end
Even if I don't get a wife

When I started playing
I had lots of friends.
Until I started to play on the piano:
"This is the song that never ends"

Bad metaphor #1

She dances like --- a child desperate to relieve itself after playing hide and seek for an hour, but started having to go right as she hid behind the washing machine, but wanted to win so she didn't move, but she didn't win because she was the second-to-last person to be found, so it  wouldn't have mattered that she just quit that round.

Alphabet #3

A is for Arithmetic,
B is for Body Building
C is for Crafts and
D is for Dominoes.
E is for Exercise
F is for Fluid Dynamics
G is for Geology
H is for Hellenic history.
I is for igloo construction
J is for Juxtapositioning.
K is for kick boxing
L is for lumbar supporting
M is for metric system
N is for Napping during a living room fight
O is for opening a can of soda in space
P is for peering through a muddy telescope
Q is for questioning the authority of an astrophysicist that also is good at water polo.
R is for resisting arrest for unauthorized velcro wearing when the cops wear the opposite velcro attachment on their hands
S is for steering away from elephants in a snowstorm.
T is for trusting satanic cults
U is for unveiling the secrets of the universe
V is for vacationing on the moon and also Albania in the same week
W is for waiting for the cows to come home on the back of flying pigs
X is for x-raying a broken coccyx without laughing
Y is for yodeling naked in a loincloth and eating Saltines
Z is for zeroing in on what this list is all about......

Yes, my friends, it is a list of things I personally find hard to do.

Holy moly, rolly polly

HOLY MOLY!
Look at the rolly polly!
Golly wolly,
It just ate the trolly!

Runny away-y
Faster than me-ee
I'm the next meal e see,
G'bye muh world-y!

I cried myself to sleep

I cried myself to sleep tonight
Just to see if I could.
About half the way through,
I figured out where I stood.

A theatrical thespian,
I must say I'm awesome
I can cry with the best of them
T'day I audition to be an opossum

Don't cry for me,
I can do it myself.
Thespian and actor,
I will always get the part . .- elf.

Keeping Secrets

I know something I shouldn't
A friend told me last week.
I promised I wouldn't say
That he was born from circus freaks

Another told me not to tell
About a problem he has
Keep it on the extreme DL
His backyard has crab grass.

Seriously, if anyone found out
About what I already know
People would totally freak out
If I knew there were real UFOs.

I'm glad you can trust me
With every secret you know
I promise not to tell your mom
You do crack and blow.

How to Rhyme

If ever your write,
A poem so grand
And can't find a word
To rhyme farband

Just make up a word,
To end the stanza
People think you're good
When really, you're blandza.

Just like last week
When I ate a large bagel
It had lots of cream cheese
but tasted like crabel.

I told me wife,
that she cooks the best
I couldn't have asked
For a better spousest.

If you even come across
A void to do nothing
Just write a poem or two
And end with rhymes, pardothing.

Haiku #10

Great minds think alike
Stupid minds also do, though
Don't party with bears.

Water in the bottle

On my desk there is a bottle.
A gallon of water

Drink it fast,
And people judge your devotion

Drink it slow,
Not so much

What is 5 trips to the bathroom this hour?
Don't judge, I drank lots.

Yesterday, I drank it slowly.
No one said a thing.

One more stanza after this,
And this poem is done. Brb, bathroom break.

......
......

The easiest thing in the world

To put in no effort,
Means your task is in vain.
Writing poems in one draft
Is so simple, it's a pain

This one in particular,
Took me only 2-3 minutes,
Anyone can do this
Not rhyming is grimmits.

How to get rid of Lime disease

We know you have it,
We all can tell pretty well.
You cannot stop drinking Sprite,
The thirst you have cannot quell

You tolerate the lemon,
You worship the lime,
It's now time for an intervention
You've bought Sprite the last time.

Batteries and Flashlights

The flashlight without a battery
Is like pork without the beans
It's like a pillow without a case,
It's like falling without a dream

Never go into a cave
With a flashlight and no batteries
Sometimes there are bears in there
To be charged with assault and battery.