STD's

I was told my computer,
Had an STD
I took it to the nerdy patrol
To see what it could be.

He told me my computer
was the fastest on the planet.
It had a lot of gigabites
And gave a lot of mana

I couldn't believe my heart,
When I learned what it meant.
STD wasn't what I'd thought,
It was 'Super Terrific Deathcomputer'

And that means it's good.

Powerful Poisonous Pentunias

Powerful poisonous petunias
Pose possible predicaments.
People, probably, possibly
Postulate perplexities.

Perhaps Polish people
Pinch pickle positions?
Perchance, populate possibilities!
Pepper-paste prevails!

Simile #2

The bird flies like: A budget airline that skipped it's aircraft maintenance records to save money and a volcano erupted just now in the flight path and they didn't have enough time to move around the plume and the engines had a lot of dust and rocks and stuff in it, oh, and it exploded too, but there was a guy inside that had a parachute company but he didn't have any of his inventory on him.

Bad timing

I was late for a date, and ran with all my might.
I hit the door when it closed, now I bleed from my thigh.

Driving my car, the yellow light came
Just a little late, and got a ticket, so lame.

Two days before marriage, a full-body rash
Turns out she's not into that, just fair skin and M.A.S.H

Watching TV on lottery day, with Thanksgiving dinner.
Too bad it's June, and I'm not the big winner.

Snowmen

Fourteen snowmen set out on a trip.
Two melted yesterday,
And one, on a banana, did slip

Eleven were left, out by a train
Four contracted syphilis
And one was crushed by a crane.

Six were left, out by the sun
But it was still cold,
And all graduated college, got jobs, and retired comfortably.

2YB5QTVGQ73Y

Sounds profound, but it's not.

Fighting with the troll, the sandwich begs to fly. 
Rasping with raspberries, peanut butter it does dry.

Never taunt the beggar, walk away from the sand
Jumping with the mad lib, carry on, with the band.

Don't ask to free the merry, clomp clowns for their life
Help the child with boogers free, have two buckets of strife.

From West comes the carpet bag. South the fur trade's son
All I ask to be for true fox, go now, my frock with guns.

WHY IS THE STATE OF BIRDING?! WROUGHT WITH LOUD CANNONS!?
Actually, they're not. I wanted attentions from mammoths.

My phone does ring, and no one's there, In my nose, I have stray hairs.
For once I want two cents from you, two cents, from you and chairs.
.

The heart and the harp

Whistle, and hear the wind.
Run, and hear the ground.
Stop and you can hear the heart,
Jump, and you can hear the bones.

To all who come, to ask to use
The tree, the glee, the water down.
The harp it sings, like hobos new
Like heart, like harp, and rabid ducks.

Lettuce

Lettuce gather round the table
Beet the leprechauns who
Make the grape escape.

Poetry in Code Challenge: #1

fpmy dppy yjr ,rddrmhrt.
Im;rdd jr od dyi[of?
S;dp fpmy yovl ,r pgg.
Vsidr Yjsyd Mpy Movr.