Bad Simile #1

He jumps like: A kid in school at a running contest, but halfway through he pulled his quad, and wanted to finish really bad, but he hurt too much. And the other kids were yelling at him to hurry up but he couldn't. Then, afterwards, he found out it wasn't his quad, but a bee stung him and he was allergic to bees and he didn't have his Epi-pen and so he cried, and peed his pants, but felt he should still finish the race to be a hero. He wasn't a hero, because just before the finish line, he fell.

Aliens and Bigfoot

Yesterday I met,
With Grzonack the alien.
He told me to watch out,
Because Bigfoot was behind him

I looked over there,
And Bigfoot looked mad
He came running after us
I knew it would be bad.

I asked him 'What's up?!'
He flailed, looking in fear
'Let's get out of here' he yelled
Just behind him: a hungry loch ness monster.

Double Haiku

If you want to listen to my trumpet

Stand up and blow in it- because that is how you make sound

Dang. People are running and dying now.

I want free Pizza

I like pizza,
So super much
If I would have to choose,
Don't have to kick me in the crotch

My favorite pizza
That I want for free
Is Little Ceasars for sure
They get my endoresement-y

How to diet

Let's face it today,
There are lots of fatties
They eat all the food
From all the skinnies.

From now on let's eat
Enough to get by
Give all the rest
To me....cause .....'mungry.

Why I love you

From Husband:
I love you for your cuteness
I love you for your bodyness
I love you for your funnyness
I love you for your motherness

From Wife:
I love you and your moneyness
I love you with your wrinkled-shirt-ness
I love you with your fart-in-bed-ness
And I love you with your can't-put-the-toilet-seat-down-ness

Vacation Poem

Your vacation is looming.
It starts in one week
The anticipation is killing,
But time going fast seems bleak

It seems like 47 years until the day,
And from work, you've checked out
All you can think about is leaving
Watching Carrot Top, not grout.

It has finally arrived,
You leave car packed high,
You drive for 3425 hours,
The casinos, fill the sky.

You get drunk and gamble,
You lose all your money the first day.
You cry and go back to sleep
And think of tomorrow, what to play.

Once nothing has worked,
And all your money did not last
It seems like 61 seconds have left,
And vacation went by way too fast.

Simile Poem

He flies like a plane
She flies like a bird
It flies like a fly
We fly like a turd.

They eat like race car drivers
I eat like lobsters
We eat like cake eaters
You eat like mobsters

Yo smell like summer
Ustedes smell like canned fruit
Tu smell like lobsters
Nosotros smell like boots.

They stir like Japanese
I stir like my crew
You stir like happiness
We stir like hulahoops.

I run like you,
You run like them
They run like us,
We run like fat guys.