Sharing, Sharing

As kids we learned,
That sharing was fun
We gave and were praised
Especially by nuns.

As we got older we learned
To ask kids to share
When we did we were praised
As good parents for sure.

The truth it it sucks
Sharing leaves us in duress
It's not nice to do
If I now have less

Funny Poetry

I'm sure poems exist
That make one laugh real hard

I'm sure jokes exist,
That make sensitives cry

I'm sure there's a solution
To everyone's problems

If laughter is the best medicine,
Then I overdosed.

One bottle of pop

One bottle of pop
Two bottles of pop
Three bottles of pop
You're getting fat.

Five bottles of pop
Six bottles of pop
Seven bottles of pop
You popped.

WHAT IS THIS?!

I came home today, to find the house all clean
WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!

I left work today, so see I got paid
WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO?!

I went to Wendy's to get a Frosty
WHY DID YOU GIVE ME TWO??!

I went to anger management
I FOUND OUT I YELL FOR STUPID REASONS!

One Dollar

There are a lot of things I can do
For one dollar

There are a lot of things I won't do
For one dollar.

I would write a poem
Sit on a throne
Eat an ice cream cone
Give you a loan
-For one dollar

I won't eat a salad
Write a ballad
Have a fine palate
Raise shallots
-For one dollar

Pizza is delicious.

I ordered a pizza today,
I thought it was quite yummy,
So yummy in fact,
I bought another for my tummy

The second one's gone,
It is quite delish,
I think I'll get a third,
And put in on my dish

The third one is just as great
It is all over my face.
Perhaps four isn't enough,
I'll buy my own pizza place.

I eat every pizza that comes,
I have made no money.
Until a TV guy came in
And thought the sight was quite funny

He gave me millions of dollars
To show how I can eat.
Man v Food guy,
Every time, you, I will beat.

Turns out I put crack in my pizza
And it's really not that good.
I'm addicted to my topping,
Now I'm skinny, like I should.

Grossness

I thought I was shocking,
I thought I was mean.
I thought my poetry was provoking,
Funny, in a way, it seemed,

However I came across something
More vile and gross
Kinda made throw up
In a sick pile of Glucose.

A new movie came out,
With Antonio Banderas
It's not about care bears
Its much, much more crass.


SERIOUSLY FOLKS! Nasty.

The internet

There are lots of things on the internet
Like jokes, and scores, and corn

Don't dabble to much on the internet
You'll find bad stuff, like generic sunglasses.

Gumbo

I got this bowl of goo today
I didn't know what it was.
I tried to replicate the recipe,
To make this bowl of scuzz.

I tried lots of combinations
The recipe I now know
Blend two parts baby giraffe
And 1 part small Disney elephant.

THAT (funny?) guy.

Every knows that guy
Who tries to be funny
He tries to tell jokes all day
While we are playing Rummy

None of us laugh,
It's really uncomfortable
He doesn't seem to get it
He needs to shut up with no trouble.

He seems to get it now
but still goes on trying.
It's getting to the 'sad' stage now
He's a loser, I'm not lying.

I like to think of myself,
The guy that knows when to stop.
Otherwise, it gets uncomfortable,
...... I'll just stop now. I can't think of a good punchline.

Post-it notes

Post-it notes are handy.
I write a lot of stuff on them
To remind me what I need to do, to learn, to implement, to study.

Post-it notes are colorful
So many personalities
They are funny, sticky, happy, and useful.

Post-it notes are tasty.
I put them in my tiramisu.
I saw that word on the Food network, thought I'd use it in a poem.

Watching TV

I watched TV for an hour today,
Not sure what I saw.
I think I laughed a couple of times
Saw a commercial for a bra.

The rest is all a blur for me
It's now a quarter to 10.
Not much brain activity goes on
Watching Two and a Half Men.

Birthdays

I just had a birthday,
I turned one-hundred and eight.
I blew out a 12th of the candles,
A morsel of of cake, I ate.

How many more of these birthdays
Am I going to have already!
I'm one-hundred and EIGHT for sure
I've wanted to go since Eighty!

Making Delicious Food

There are many things I like,
Like flowers, newborns and fudge
Mixing them all up together
Tastes like rancid acne-juice sludge.

Religion poem

Some people believe in God,
Some people believe in Dogs.
Some people want to be saved
Some people to have no grave

Some people think about things
Some people in Heaven want wings
Some people want to cross a bridge
Some people in Hell want a fridge

Most people worship TVs
Most people save Reece's
Most people don't know
That I like to throw snow.

The End.

Haiku #15

Hooray for Swingsets
They are really fun to me
Except I'm 30.

Alphabet #3

A is for 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Or the sound I made when I jumped out of the airplane
B is for 'Bowels,' or what released once I found out my parachute didn't work
C is for 'crap' or what I said and released on the way down.
D is for 'dream' or what I wished I had, but I didn't wake up with the falling feeling
E is for 'earth' or what is coming up quickly.
F is for the 'F' word, or what I was wanting to say but didn't because that wouldn't have been a nice last word to say.
G is for 'God' or whom I might meet soon
H is for 'height of 18,000 feet' or the amount of space I have to think about what to do
I is for 'idea' cause now I have one
J is for 'jacket' or what I'm about to take off
K is for 'kite' or what I might want to make the jacket into to make it so I don't fall so fast
L is for 'little' for the amount of time I have.
M is for 'Monkey' or what I looked like trying to take of the jacket
N is for 'Now I have it! I'll just aim for the mashed potato mountain!!'
O is for 'One mile away' or how far  it was from me at this point
P is for 'pavement, or what I hit instead'
Q is for 'quickly' or how long it took me to not live anymore.
R is for 'really no point in continuing, you know the end of the story. It didn't work. The mashed potato mountain was actually a low-lying cloud.'

What's wrong with people?!

I walk into a room,
And everybody screams
I then go to the store,
People shun me, it seems

I called my neighbor,
to see what's the matter.
She quickly jumped from the window
And on the ground, she did splatter

Depressed, I went back home
And took a look in the mirror.
I had a huge zit on my face,
I then died, from the terror.

April's Fool

I walked out side my house today,
And was hit by a cream pie
I went to work with a nice suit,
It got ruined with tie-dye.

I ate lunch with four buddies
2 of them changed religion
That's not so bad itself,
But they threw me in a dungeon.

Just before I clock out,
My manager says to me
You're getting kinda fat for this,
Clean out your desk and leave

On my way home today
I went to binge on fast food
I ordered my food and paid,
And found out my wife's a dude.

I wasn't feeling very good
About this day at all
stupid April, stupid fools,
revenge will come - in the fall.

Mtire

I didn't sleep well last night,
Mtire

Spongbob's not on,
Mbore.

McDonalds is closed,
Mungry

I face was burned as a kid,
Mugly.

I was robbed on the street,
Mpor.

So it doesn't matter if McDonalds is closed because I was robbed and don't have money.
Mwakhom.

Remember When

Remember when it happened this way
When it should have happened THIS way?
Well, it happened this way
When I told you it should have happened THIS way.

Now that it has happened this way,
So and so is expecting it to happen THIS way.
Happening this way isn't what he was expecting.
Next time, make sure it happens THIS way.

The Truth Doesn't Listen

I learned my lesson, long ago.
Actually, only in the last 10 minutes.

My lesson was to never diet,
Actually it was to diet sometimes.

Then I learned how awesome I am
Except when I'm in the company of terrorists.

I told everyone that I didn't eat the yogurt
When I merely absorbed it with diffusion

I told everyone that I was immovable,
But just this morning I walked to the shower

I told everyone that I was clear-minded
When actually my brain is full of grey matter.

I also assumed people knew my name
But I wasn't wearing my name-tag at the seminar.

It turns out that you should tell the truth
Except when the truth won't listen.

Being sick

I've been sick for a while.
I'm not in denial
My face is on fire
Don't call me a liar

I have real bad gas
I was told by my lass
My ears might explode
My skin is like a toad.

My eye is all puffy
My nose is all stuffy
My joints ache like heck
My cars in a wreck

That last part doesn't matter
That my car is now splattered
Cause I'm talking 'bout how I'm sick
Not my car's plight, that was a trick.

Haiku #14

You know what I like?
Ice cream with spinach and nails
On second thought-------gross.

How To Fix A Rebel

I admit it I like stuff
I like to play rough
Fighting isn't enough
I also grow some scruff

My mom wants me to change
But I'll be at the firing range
I know I look strange
Sorry my name is 'Grange'

I should not be so sick
Cause people say I'm a prick
Maybe listen to LDS music
I learn some magic trick

I'm sure I'll do something
To make my mom grin
Go to a class called 'spin'?
Nah, forget it.